Columbia is a groupie in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Portrayed by Little Nell, also known as Nell Campbell, she can be identified from her dark red hair, corset, top hat, and her whole outfit being covered in sequins.
She, like the other women characters, tend to be overshadowed by the men characters and acts as more of a plot device than a fleshed-out character. On top of that, her entire character arc, if it can even be called that, revolves around her love of Eddie and Dr. Frank-N-Furter. However, Columbia also has her moments with some iconic lines. Here are her ten best quotes in The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
“You Mean She…?”
In spite of being an easily missed line because of its brevity, it’s still a great line. During the song “Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me,” Janet sings about originally wanting to wait until marriage before having sex, and that she has only ever kissed before while also trying to seduce Rocky in Frank’s laboratory.
Magenta and Columbia were spying on her through a glass mirror in which they could both see and hear Janet and Rocky. They both heard her sing about saving herself, causing Columbia to as Magenta, “You mean she…?” to which Magenta replies, “Yes.” Columbia asked the question out of surprise and shock that anyone would choose not to have sex.
“I Was Walking Down The Street Just A Having A Think.”
This line is the opening to Columbia’s solo verse in the song “Time Warp.” The song is a parody of the “dance song” genre which consists of the majority of the song’s content being devoted to instructing the dance moves.
When the lyrics are not about the dance itself, Riff Raff, Magenta, and Columbia all take a verse and sing about a, or possibly the, time warp. Columbia goes on from the first line to running into a handsome man with a pickup truck who made time stop for her.
“Now The Only Thing That Gives Me Hope Is My Love Of A Certain Dope.”
This line is from the song “Rose Tint My World” in which Columbia, Rocky, Brad, and Janet, all of whom were turned into stone in the previous scene, gradually turn back to normal, dressed in women’s lingerie, namely a corset and stockings, with a feather boa and stilettos.
This particular line of Columbia’s is clearly about substance abuse, which is unfortunate. It is still the most notable line she delivered in the song due to its emotionally heavy nature, even over singing about her relationship with Frank being over because of his plans to make Rocky.
“Oh Slowly, Slowly! It’s Too Nice A Job To Rush.”
Columbia says this line as Magenta and Riff Raff are undressing Brad and Janet, respectively. Brad and Janet at first thought that Magenta and Riff Raff were just taking their coats, but then they proceeded to undo their belts, which startles Brad and Janet.
It is when Magenta and Riff Raff start ripping off Brad and Janet’s clothes that Columbia tells them to slow down. She also stops and admires mostly Brad’s body, and a little bit Janet’s, as Magenta and Riff Raff continue to strip the couple down to their underwear.
“You’re Very Lucky To Be Invited Up To Frank’s Laboratory. Some People Would Give Their Right Arm For The Privilege.”
This line is part of Columbia’s conversation with Brad and Janet after they had been stripped to their underwear. Here, she expresses her admiration for Frank-N-Furter and his work, in spite of also resenting his work (Rocky) later in the film.
The way she describes other people’s desire to see Frank’s lab, she clearly views him as a celebrity or even a God, even though any outsider, like Brad or Janet, would not hold the same view of Frank upon first meeting him. Frank’s greatness is clearly Columbia’s delusion, which gets broken later on in the film.
“Ha! I’ve Seen It.”
This line is part of the conversation mentioned above. After Columbia expresses her admiration for Frank and what she believes to be the luxury and privilege of entering his laboratory, Brad expresses doubt that she herself has seen it. He believes that she is referring to herself when saying that some people would give their right arm to see it.
She immediately shuts Brad’s assumptions down by scoffing and telling him that she has seen it. She then throws their clothes onto the floor. Brad and Janet likely gave her their clothes, assuming that she was going to take them. It isn’t very likely that she was, but her dropping the clothes and walking away after shutting Brad down add the perfect dramatic flair.
“First You Spurn Me For Eddie, And Then You Throw Him Off Like An Overcoat For Rocky!”
This line is from Columbia’s monologue toward the end of the film. She confronts Frank after he turns Brad, Janet, and Dr. Scott into stone. Frank’s behavior that evening drove Columbia to the edge to the point that she could not keep quiet about it any longer.
She apparently was involved with Frank, who then left her for Eddie, who he left for Rocky. Toward the end of the monologue, she gives Frank an ultimatum of her or Rocky, and even though Frank never gives her an answer and instead turns her to stone, he clearly chooses Rocky over her.
“Everybody Shoved Him. I Very Nearly Loved Him.”
This is a line from the song “Eddie,” in which Dr. Scott and Columbia mourn Eddie being killed and turned into meatloaf. Brad, Janet, and Rocky provide background singing but it is clear that they are more sympathizing with Dr. Scott’s loss.
Columbia’s line potentially clarifies her relationship with Eddie. In “Hot Patootie - Bless My Soul,” it is clear that the two characters are attracted to each other. Columbia saying that she “very nearly” loved him shows that the relationship may have been deeper than physical attraction. It is also possible that the love was one-sided, much like her relationship with Frank-N-Furter.
“He’s Okay!”
When Rocky is first revealed to Frank–N-Furter’s fans, and Brad, Janet, Riff Raff and Magenta, Frank expresses pride in his creation. Riff Raff and Magenta both echo this sentiment, saying things along the lines of Rocky being his greatest creation.
Columbia is less impressed, though, and thinks that Rocky is only “okay.” This sentiment upsets Frank who asks for Janet’s opinion, who expresses disinterest for Brad’s benefit. Frank proceeds to break into song about making Rocky into a man by giving him different types of weights to maintain his muscular figure.
“I Loved You. Do You Hear Me?”
This line is part of Columbia’s monologue discussed above. In spite of the monologue already being discussed, this line of the monologue also deserves recognition because of the emotional impact it has for Columbia.
Columbia makes herself vulnerable by expressing her true feelings for Frank-N-Furter, who seems primarily interested in sex rather than romance. This isn’t to say he isn’t interested in romance at all, but he is less interested. In spite of Columbia mostly being treated as a plot device like the other women in the film, this particular line is the one moment in which she does develop as a character.
Next: Every Song In Rocky Horror Picture Show, Ranked
